


Fade to White

by codehimawari



Category: Starfighter (Comic), Starfighter Eclipse
Genre: M/M, Tapping the fourth wall, bonus route, expanded comment fic, kink meme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:58:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4568817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codehimawari/pseuds/codehimawari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helios is trapped in a simulation. All the while on the other side, there was Selene.</p><p><i>What if Helios realized that he was in a dating sim the whole time?</i><br/><i>and so, the fourth wall was broken. interpret it as you will.</i><br/>-- Anonymous (Starfighter Kink Meme 2015)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _Starfighter_ belongs to Hamlet Machine. Praise be to Teams Starfighter and Date Nighto for bringing us _Starfighter: Eclipse_.
> 
> For anonymous at [Starfighter Kink Meme 2015](http://starfighterkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/444.html). I was going to leave it as comment fic but then came [this sketch (tumblr)](http://riseelectric.tumblr.com/post/126180709157/i-keep-thinking-about-that-fourthwall-breaking) from [riseelectric](http://archiveofourown.org/users/riseelectric/). Ideas are dangerous creatures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now beta'd by [elisetales](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elisetales/). Thank you!
> 
> In this alternate universe of an alternate universe, the commanders on the Kepler are Bering and Hayden.

The first thing Helios saw beyond the doorway was _him_ and his polite, tentative smile. He had a cool brown complexion and soft white hair.

Selene was unmistakably a navigator, the way he took compliments.

He didn't think he'd learn how Selene took insults too.

* * *

There is a flash of light from the datapad. "On your knees, fighter." White light. "I just! This isn't like him! I don't know what to do." FLASH. "A-ah, touch me. Please. Please, Helios." And he's finally free from--FLASH.

"No, I don't," Deimos says steadily. His expression is that of someone who's been informed they're missing out on life because they haven't driven a particular model vehicle, haven't seen an Earth zoo. Haven't had some unnecessary luxury experience.

Helios isn't sure what to do.

* * *

Cain's lips are soft. But his touch is firm and strong, holding them together.

Helios rocks into his hand, seeking more contact, more everything.

But he sees how Cain still looks at Abel, lying in the med bay.

In the hallway, he finds Cain's lips one last time, knowing he won't find what he's really looking for.

* * *

"Selene."

He bolted up.

Keeler's hand closed on the datapad before it hit the floor. He gave a thin smile and pointed to the exit.

* * *

Encke received a blip from Keeler on his datapad. He turned from the desk and raised an eyebrow at Keeler, typing away on the upper bunk. "What's this?"

"They're personnel files from Commander Bering."

"I mean, what's this for?" Encke scrolled through the dossiers, incident reports and metric data blurring together. He only needed the photos anyway. Task name Chandra, ship Bethan. Task name Chaika, ship Eurus. Praxis, Tiberius.

"Encke," Keeler said softly, "they're talking about discharging him."

After all, the med bay wasn't designed for long-term patients.

* * *

Lieutenant Commander Beckett checked the time. "No response. We'll need to continue monitoring them."

"Sir?" The orderly looked to the other bed, uncertain.

"I'll ask Bancroft if she can take double-shift too." Beckett paused as the doors slid open. "And remind them not to stay overlong. I need to speak with Commander Hayden."

"Sir," said Arnesen.

With that, the medical officer swept back the partition, passing an odd pair of visitors on his way out.

Arnesen stood to one side as they entered the curtained off ward. "Ten minutes, alright?"

The navigator stopped short upon seeing the patient's open eyes. "Helios?" But his fighter was as unresponsive as before. He turned sharply to the orderly.

Arnesen swallowed. "We weren't able to induce a coma."

Selene exhaled. "And his seizures?" He said quietly.

Arnesen kept his shoulders level as he clasped his hands together. "Less frequent, but we're monitoring," he said, trying to be more reassuring than he felt. "One moment, please? I'll be right back." He slipped through the partition to check on their adjoining patient and visitor.

* * *

"Selene is skilled. When another navigator gets injured, they'll put him back in rotation."

Encke frowned. " _When?_ How can you say that about your men?"

Keeler looked at him.

Encke's mouth twisted and he crossed his arms over the back of the chair, unwilling to consider the only remaining possibility.

Instead Keeler intoned, "Because we're at war."

* * *

Helios braces himself. "So, I hear you've been with my navigator in the hangar."

Praxis looks down at him. "Yes?" he says mildly.

"And in the mess hall. And training," grits out Helios.

Praxis' voice is too level for his liking. "He needed a spotter at the bench." He pauses. "And I needed to know more about you."

"Just what--"

Praxis takes a breath and steps into his space. He tilts his head, favouring his right side.

Helios has to stretch up on tiptoe even as he brings Praxis down by lacing their hands together.

Praxis is warm and solid. His broad hands go still and his gaze fixes on him, looking for assurance before descending lower, lower. Helios shudders.

He knows he's using him, but when Praxis goes still upon feeling his eye patch shift, Helios slides it from his hair and doesn't look anywhere else. Doesn't think of anything but him and here.

Afterwards, in the narrow bunk, Helios pulls himself up to lay kisses on Praxis' brow, a good-bye he can't explain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [elisetales](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elisetales/). Thank you!
> 
> In this 'verse, the commanders on the Kepler are Bering and Hayden.

"Out-patient then? Situate him in his bunk? Convert some closet?"

Keeler slid down from the top bunk, leaving his data pad behind. "It's not our decision. In any case, the former's not appropriate for Selene."

Encke knew it wasn't appropriate for the medical staff either. They were getting run ragged. He'd seen fighters freely tap out their own smokes for the orderlies.

But there was something else in Keeler's matter-of-fact tone, something almost callous. Debating whether he was imagining it, Encke leaned back. "I doubt your navigator sees it that way if he's still going to med bay after--"

"I doubt he joined the program to take care of an invalid."

He stared. "Keeler--"

"Encke." His name was an angry click.

Encke felt his words congeal into an acrid paste in his mouth. His brows snapped together and he closed his eyes. He turned aside the chair.

Soldiers flattened themselves against the wall as he stormed past. But there was one that refused to move at anything but their own pace. The questions caught up with him then. Glaring at the elevator button, he pressed a fist to his clenched teeth.

The door to their quarters closed long after Encke's footsteps faded from the corridor. Alone, Keeler stood ramrod straight, breathing hard through his nose as he forced back the answers waiting under his tongue.

* * *

Helios knows they'll never make it to his bunk but that's okay.

Ethos, bright and shining, presses their shoulders together while they lean on the railing of the observation deck. He points and names the stars in Arabic, presses fingerprints upon galaxies--systems of wondrous secrets that reveal as much of a once lonely blue planet as they do of their own, distant bodies. It's how foreign languages appear to him, he says quietly, and Helios is the first to listen. Before Ethos can excuse himself with a self-deprecating laugh, Helios nudges his shoulder and covers his hand with his own.

Helios has been the first. And the second. He thinks he would be okay with a third. Helios closes his eyes, just for a moment.

* * *

There came a sharp knock on the door as Praxis was about to power down the lights. He hesitated and looked over his shoulder.

Ethos' tousled head emerged from the top bunk, reflecting the same confusion.

Praxis waved off the lock.

Selene looked up from his data pad. "Praxis, morning. Is Ethos in?"

Blankets rustled. The platforms creaked as Ethos clambered down. Praxis edged out of the way.

"Selene?" Ethos squinted at the hallway lights. "Sorry I missed your messages earlier. I thought you'd have been asleep, so."

Selene shook his head. "No, it's fine. But what you said last week, about the two languages? Would you have time go over that in more detail?"

Praxis shared a glance with Ethos. By the ship's watch, it was evening. And the incident on the derelict had been three weeks ago. "I'm going to go wash my face," he said.

Ethos shuffled into the opening. "They didn't give us much time with the files before they got restricted, so I wasn't positive about it." Ethos wrinkled his nose. "Uh, care to come in?" Everyone had seen how Keeler had taken to relying on Selene as his assistant.

Apparently it hadn't distracted him from retrieving the files.

* * *

"The quarantine was necessary."

Commander Hayden rumbled, "I am not disagreeing. However, the fleet needs us to be in position. Requesting a medical shuttle is not an option available to us now."

Lines deepened around Beckett's mouth as furrows etched themselves across his forehead. Brain scans of his two patients had suggested a sort of sleepwalking disorder, only they didn't respond to basic stimuli. The drug courses hadn't worked either.

Hayden sat back in his chair. "I'm not requiring you discharge them. Only that you consider our priorities, considering where we're headed," he said to his medical officer. "And your available resources." His gaze travelled towards the door, where an ashen-faced orderly had appeared by Beckett's elbow and was now waiting outside.

The furrows deepened. "Understood, Commander."

* * *

Valentina doesn't talk anymore.

He cries in frustration and reaches for her. The sound tearing from his own throat startles him awake, his hand stretching up into the dark.

Then Cain hammers at the door and Selene grumblingly shuffles off to the head and Helios knows he's not awake at all.

* * *

The next time he's alone with Deimos outside the cargo hold, he hugs him before he mentions his sister.

He hugs him tight because Deimos won't remember any of it. Because he's starting to forget too.

FLASH

"Helios," someone hisses. "Helios, wake up."

He finds himself in a cold sweat, limbs wound tight around Selene.

Selene impatiently pushes his arm off.

"Sorry," he rasps. "I. Bad dream." He gropes his way to the dresser.

Selene watches as Helios struggles with one half-asleep arm, the one that had been underneath him. He relents and gets up, going over to slide a hand between shirt and skin.

Helios shivers at his touch, but doesn't waste time extricating himself from the offending garment. "Thanks."

Selene waits until he's wrestled the new shirt on. "Want to talk about it?"

"Just a bad dream," he says, suddenly tired. He knows Selene deserves more. He just. Can't. "The kind that's a dream inside a dream. And you know the next one is too." He mumbles. He barely registers Selene pulling him down to sit on the bunk. Helios slumps against him.

Selene puts up with his weight. "So. Then," he clears his throat and says lightly, "want to stay in this one with me?"

He wants to say yes, but he can't keep his eyes open. The edges of his vision go white instead of dark. He whimpers and clings to Selene, inhaling his scent.

"It's okay." Selene whispers, petting his hair. "We'll find you. I'll find you, Helios."

FLASH

Selene jerked up from the bed, grabbing the closest fistful of collar.

The orderly squeaked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [elisetales](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elisetales/). Thank you! Any remaining mistakes, choices in pacing, et cetera are my own.

Keeler radiated wordless fury.

Selene gave no excuses. He stared at Keeler with haunted eyes while his data pad was taken from him.

Encke thought the sickness had taken Selene too, until Selene's gaze slid towards his and hardened. He wasn't sure what Selene saw, but Selene slowly straightened under Keeler's silent assault, ready to absorb it all.

They had Selene dragged to solitary. Not in the brig. Back to his room, where he could reflect on his actions and how Helios had spun Abel away from the derelict's console as it sparked and overloaded and how their helm lights had cut through the darkness to find that Helios' bunk would go empty that night. That night and every night thereafter.

* * *

"I think you've earned your reward."

"Sir?" Even though he knows. The commander's touch is the most familiar, although Helios thinks he hesitated once before. He's not sure why.

The commander smiles and says crisply, "Strip."

He does.

Commander Hayden is the starfighter program embodied. He knows all the things that make him feel alive.

He just wants to feel alive.

* * *

It's already going wrong. Helios breaks away from the observation deck.

Abel’s footsteps echo after him. Walking pace.

The hairs on his neck rise. He runs and runs until he’s out of breath. No Abel. Just him with his hands braced on his knees as he gasps for air, as if he’s back on the bridge and it's all hands lost and all his fault. He has no idea when trying to breathe turned into trying to choke back sobs.

Footsteps.

Helios staggers up, aided by a handhold in the wall. A latch.

Abel looks on with amusement as the fighter heaves the manual door shut before crumpling below the viewport. Waiting. He obliges and smashes in the airlock switch.

* * *

"Sir! He's tachying!"

The heart monitor whined.

* * *

They stared at each other until they realised their current forms were not able to exchange information this way.

"Human modes of communication inefficient," she said, inserting an ear bud.

"Processing limited in scope and dimension," he agreed, handing her a tablet. "Sufficient permutations accounted for. Ideal carrier identified."

"Compensate for time lapsed and escalate to final stage. Eliminate primary and secondary impediments. Prepare for transfer to carrier in hangar."

A pause. "Eliminate current carrier?"

Her face went blank as she conducted an internal review. "No need. This one is already broken."

He nodded.

Morena and Helios left the med bay, leaving behind three prone forms.

* * *

Helios sinks into consciousness again, already on his feet. People look at him strangely. There are questions. He turns to his bunk, ignoring them.

Rather, he can't move his mouth. He can't do anything but watch as Selene lets him approach and wrap his hands around his neck.

Helios feels his face form a smile. Inside, he's too tired to cry. You should have let me go, he thinks at Selene, watching as the fight drains out of him too.

* * *

The transfer target was being uncooperative.

So Helios dislocated Cain's shoulder.

Abel's eyes flew open.

FLASH. Morena's body dropped to the floor, tablet clattering. Transfer complete.

Except Praxis stood over her. Praxis tossed a data pad to Abel before widening his stance, ready to engage.

Cain grunted and pitched Helios forward as Abel thrust the data pad into his face.

FLASH

Flat on his back, Helios saw someone in navigator white leaning heavily against the doorframe. Then he saw nothing.

* * *

It felt like he was floating in a fever dream, not knowing where his limbs were. Sounds on the periphery--beeping machinery, barked orders, the bustle of a full med bay--were louder than anything in front of him.

Selene kept meeting his eyes before looking away again, not saying a word. He tucked a strand of brown fading to white behind one ear.

His hair. Your hair, Helios wanted to say. "You're alive," he croaked instead. His hands twitched guiltily and he made to withdraw, only there were straps. He was strapped down. Shame and panic roiled inside him and he clenched his eyes shut.

Sheets rustled. A hand slipped into his. Selene was frowning at him, weary concern dropping to expose anger and frustration and hope. It was the hope that made Helios' stomach sink further, made him want to curl up and hide. When Helios didn't speak, Selene's gaze fell to the restraints.

Helios choked, frantic. Leave them, he wanted to say. Leave already.

Selene carefully laid his head down, resting his cheek upon Helios' fingers as he closed his eyes.

Helios saw the bruises mottling his throat, ugliness framed by the sweep of his hair and the line of his collar. He swallowed. Someone swished aside the curtain and stopped short. " _Oh,_ " they breathed. He kept his gaze on Selene, too afraid to look up.

Selene stayed where he was, eyes closed as he squeezed Helios' hand.

The curtains drew shut.

Selene waited, breathing soft and slow. The heart monitor gradually eased its stuttering staccato. It could have been any other night's vigil then, if it were not for the dull ache he felt in his throat. And the moment Helios finally squeezed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, fellow Fan-glers. Thanks for reading.


End file.
